As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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