dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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