just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
