I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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