woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
