I'm going to rape someone's good day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
