trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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