Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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