There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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