I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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