Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
