i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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