Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
