The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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