too bad you live with your parents still
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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