Yo dont text me then not text me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
