He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
