Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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