she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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