First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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