Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
