a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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