He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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