I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
