you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
