I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
