you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a beard to bite.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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