apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We have started to decorate penises.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
