guys are only as good as the porn they watch
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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