I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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