everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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