Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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