Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
