I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What a dumb baby whore.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
