I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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