I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
