Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
