didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
