it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
