Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
