We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
