There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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