im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
