covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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