there was a trapeze. enough said
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
