im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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