I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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