This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
