hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
