That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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