I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
