I'm so fucking centered right now
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
