filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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