I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
