some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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