Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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