My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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