Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
