just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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