I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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