wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
