She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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