i just made my gag reflex go away.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
