so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
