Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
