The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
