Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
