do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
