I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a search helicopter?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
