he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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