she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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