Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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