i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
