He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
