I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
