i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
