guys are not supposed to queef...right?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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