i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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