Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
