Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
