I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
