none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize