We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
