I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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