Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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